Lifes Little Surprises!

So today I’ve been sober for 1 month 23 days!

And life could not be better! I cant help to notice all the small miracles happening in my life! The signs, the endless opportunities!!! Everyday whispering in my ear! Today is your day…the change is in your hands. And the conscious decision I have to make every single day to not have that glass of wine…the cravings aren’t there, and I’m thankful!

The small stuff , that’s what matter the most! My baby’s hands in my hair, my little boys picking me flowers telling me how beautiful I am! A special person treating me like no one ever has…The Lord protecting me every second of the day. A small surprise holiday to Bangkok! Wow life is truly amazing and when all the drama and substance abuse finds it’s way cyphering out of your life! The view is spectacular!

Thank you for small mercies. Big opportunities and embracing every single gift life gives me.

Blessed with new beginnings.

The way forward!

No one said that this will be easy! No one said this will be fun. No one told you that this journey called life would be this hard!

But just as you are about to throw in the towel, God throws it back to you, and says, “here wipe your face, you are almost there!”

And this has been my truth for the last 2 months!

I was about to just give up completely! My whole life was a mess! Divorce, moving, pregnancy and birth. Tough relationships. Thought I was strong, I could handle all of it! How wrong was I!!

The blackouts, the anxiety, the guilt, the shame!!!

Until one morning! I broke down completely. Here it was! Finally! Is this what I became? Is this now it! ROCK BOTTOM!!!

I had to reach this place, in order to become the woman I always wanted to be! To have compassion for others in this situation. For me to love me again. For me to be the best version of me, and to fulfill the plans that the Lord has for me! For me to be the best mom I can be! So in order for me to become this, I first had to reach that God forsaken place…My rock bottom!! The loneliest, darkest place you will ever have to face!

Today! One month and 2 weeks later! I can smile again, no excuse me!! Laugh until I cry! The sun is shining again, I have the overcast once now and again, but now I can face them with a bold bravery I never had! I am not alone! You are never alone!!!

I still have a long journey ahead of me, but for once I am genuinely so excited for what is to come, I can’t contain myself!

There is always light at the end…just before you give up, around the bend, your reward is awaiting you!

Where you only see one path of footsteps, that is when the Lord carried you! Be brave! Be strong! Be you!

Taking back my life!

So yes! Here I am! A month and 4 days into my sobriety! I know this is still very early days! But i have made so much progress in such a short time, and I cant get enough of this feeling!

What feeling??? This high on life feeling.

While drinking, I always felt exhausted, had no time for exercising, never mind reading a book. I was constantly anxious and scared. Had almost no self esteem! Sleepless nights, brought on by alcohol.

But I have these 3 beautiful little boys, and I gave that what was left of me, I poured my last energy into them, after my classes (I do cooking classes for kiddies) we would all go home, they would play on their bicycles, I prepared dinner. We bathed, ate, watched a bit of tv, and then of to bed! I would read to them, pray and kiss them goodnight.

I had nothing else to do, so I would pour myself a glass of wine…in some fucked up way, rewarding myself for doing all of this on my own! Ps! I’m divorced. But this is something for another blog!

I realised that this is not me! I dont want to be this person. I booked myself into rehab, the boys went to their dads. For me to get back when I’m back on my feet.

The second week in rehab I started going to the gym..I actually got alot of sleep for the first time in 5 years! And you know what!? My energy levels shot through the roof.

And I decided to take my life back!!

So what alcohol stole from me, I’m taking back! My time, my energy, my love for life itself, to be the best mom I can be for my kids, my sleeping habits and my whole life in general!

So here is to myself! Well done! My first 24,8km bike ride done and dusted in an hour, five minutes! Yay.

Please follow my block, for more titbits of my life, and please ask me anything. If I could reach just one person through these posts, it will make sharing my life with strangers, a worthy cause!

Fitness freak!