So I’ve been a bit out of action! Not hiding! Just dealing with life in general! Some of it hard, some filled with so much love, some stressful, but mostly hard as fuck!!!
Yes! When I’m dealing with something tough! I tend to pack it far away, and showing everyone how strong I am!! This is a very toxic way of dealing with hardships! As I was just reminded again!!! And not the way I want to do life this time around!!!
Dealing with this very hard issue, I fell very sick! My body just said! SHUTDOWN!!! NOW!! It was only then that I did a internal inventory!! I’m not okay, and it’s okay to not be okay!!! But I’m so super proud of myself for not reaching for the bottle!! I played the movie! One glass! Feel free for five minutes!! And then what? The guilt, the anxiety, the fear of being a failure!!! And the same difficulty still there only ten times bigger!
So I surrendered!!! It is what it is!!! I’m not a failure!!! I will not stop fighting! I’ll stay calm like the lady I am! I will feel every second of it. I will get up and I’ll will show up! God is standing behind me, next to me, under me, on top of me, inside of me!!!! If He is with me, who can be against me!! Woman of God!
Then thank you for the most Wonderful woman I have the honor of knowing! (You know who you are) For backing me every single step of the way!! Cheering me on! Supporting me! Laughing with me, crying with me!!! And yes just sitting in silence sometimes…just being there for one another! You are an Angel!!! And I Pray that your path will be filled with Blessings for the rest of your Life! I Love you!
My Family! For the first time in a very long time, I can say we are family!!! Love you all!!!
The man in my life!!! I dont even have to say alot! Because us you can’t define! No word can ever describe what we have. Thank you so very much for being you!
So I’m 5 days short of coming up on my 90 days Sober!!! 3 Months of absolute growth, learning, change!!! The best gift I ever could’ve given myself!!! And yes I can finally say!! I love this woman. I care for her! She is amazing! Self love, cause without this you can’t love anyone else!!! And if you are not okay, your loved ones wont be okay!!!
So only for today, get up! Show up!!
Tommorow is a new day, with new possibilities! But that is tomorrow!!!
So Today!! Be the best you that you can be!!! Its not always easy! But your a Woman! The most amazing creature God ever created.