Sobriety.

Haven’t been on here for long…

Maybe embarrassed, maybe alone, maybe felt like a failure. . .maybe the expectations was to high…

All excuses to justify my behavior of late…isolated myself to the point where it all got to heavy. The thing with sobriety is people are watching you, all the damn time, some because they look up to you and others watching waiting for you to fall!

I’m healing everyday from what broke me, but still life happens every single day, my finances are in ruins because of my past behaviour, that I think is what upsets me the most, like I literally cant sleep because of it, but it has to happen to show me life as I knew it,was over, every day is survival mode.

I’m ready for new ventures, to live my life to the fullest with my boys,in a new town,new environment ,with both their parents close by. That in itself is very stressful….but I think the hardest part of it all is to try and prove yourself to everyone all the time….I have seen both sides now, no matter what you do, you will never be enough for some, and they will always look for something wrong…

So by keeping up barriers, being private, putting your boundaries, you either look guilty or like you have something to hide, people will always talk, quick to judge,to point finger,to say listen I hear you are drinking again, not hey, how are you, would you like to talk,how is your kids, how is life? No the thing that broke you will most definitely define you, because you had the courage to out put up your hand and say listen I fucked up but I’m willing to fix it, and shit,let’s not fuck around here, you WILL fall,many a times!!!! You will make mistakes, you will fail many a times no one said it will be easy!!! It is what it is…Its a disease, like trying to quit smoking, trying to eat healthy, going to the gym, BUT!!!!! As long as you get up everytime and try again, over and over and over until you succeed….you are human!!!! We all make mistakes…some just dont have a audience watching them.

Yes I have falled, yes I do make mistakes!!! But I don’t hide them…..the expectations were huge,I’ve let many down, but I’m not a failure.. I’m stronger.

But at the end of the day it’s your life…you will answer to it one day, you don’t have to try and please everyone the whole time….depression is real, loneliness is scary, anxiety over finances is gut wrenching, and when you fall, just make pretty damn sure to get up again…don’t depend on anyone…your happiness is yours…its your responsibility to make sure that you are okay…

And let the people talk,and let them say I thought so and let me them indulge in that satisfaction….we all fall, hopefully their audience will be more sympathetic and understanding….

Cause life is hard…but as long as you get up every single time…you are doing your best…

Sobriety is a everyday one day at a time thing..I’m not the first, and certainly not the last.

But I won’t stop fighting.. so let them talk,let them judge…

As long as you try everyday, love yourself and doing your best, you are okay!!!!

I will continue until I succeed.

4 thoughts on “Sobriety.”

  1. Absolutely keep getting back up. Whatever it takes. I’ve also found that people are mostly too wrapped up in themselves and their own perceptions of life to examine yours or mine much. And if they are overly concerned about what goes on in your life, they don’t need to be in it! Stay strong and brave! 💕

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