Acceptance is Key!

Hi…

Hope everyone is still doing fantastic!

Well I was 5 months into my Sobriety on the 4th of September! Super proud but most of all genuinely Grateful!! To my God! For all my Blessings, support, and strong WILL! This path I have chosen sure as hell was not easy, but so worth it!!! I can breathe again.

I have my 3 beautiful sons with me, and everyday with them are such a gift! I cherish every single moment, even the ones where I sometimes feel I could kill them….But all of this is for them!!! And for myself!

These 5 months definitely weren’t without challenges!!!

Geez!!! One door opens, another one shuts!! One day Sunshine, one day pouring!! One day uphill, the other downhill!!! And inbetween the chaos, pausing just to figure out am I still doing this right….but truth is, there is no wrong or right way to do this….life is not always easy and as long as you show up, keep your promises, admit your wrongs, and accept your powerlessness over your addictions, well done to you!!! I take my hat off…..

The key here is Acceptance.

Acceptance of what the situation holds. Acceptance of the outcome. Acceptance of what was. Acceptance of what will be will be…Acceptance of good days and bad!!! Acceptance of the choices made, bad or good. Because at the end of the day. We cant change a thing. And when you rest in that knowledge in accepting whatever challenge you may face, the only thing you cannot accept is giving up!!

So to everyone out there, love yourself, choose boldly, be courageous, speak your truth and be kind…In a hard hard hard world, just be kind…and ACCEPT you are fearfully and wonderfully made!

Love you.

Lindy

I’ve got this!

Haven’t written on my blog for a while….

Not because of a lack of interest, but because life happens and as we learn in recovery, you have to face life on life’s terms. Not yours, not other’s! Lifes terms!

This was a month filled with extreme emotions! Up and down! Joy, panic, love, sadness but mostly filled with extreme gratitude and thankfulness.

Today I am 4 months sober.

And the reason for my being, my three beautiful boys are back with their mom, back where they belong and my days are filled again with laughter,shouting, dirt, nappies, bottles, toys, schooltrips and lots and lots of cuddles and kisses!

I stand in Awe of all my Blessings. My Saviour God, for every single miracle that happens every day in my life. For the music that has been restored in my soul, for making my house a home again. And for strengthening me in ways I never thought possible.

For everyone out there, fighting a battle that no one else knows about, I want you to know this. No matter how dark your tunnel, I promise you, your light will come! I am a firm believer that we are formed and moulded in our toughest times! And for such and expensive, hard, traumatic lesson, I’m sure as hell, taking nothing for granted ever again! Spreading the hope.

I have got this!

Get up! Show up!

So I’ve been a bit out of action! Not hiding! Just dealing with life in general! Some of it hard, some filled with so much love, some stressful, but mostly hard as fuck!!!

Yes! When I’m dealing with something tough! I tend to pack it far away, and showing everyone how strong I am!! This is a very toxic way of dealing with hardships! As I was just reminded again!!! And not the way I want to do life this time around!!!

Dealing with this very hard issue, I fell very sick! My body just said! SHUTDOWN!!! NOW!! It was only then that I did a internal inventory!! I’m not okay, and it’s okay to not be okay!!! But I’m so super proud of myself for not reaching for the bottle!! I played the movie! One glass! Feel free for five minutes!! And then what? The guilt, the anxiety, the fear of being a failure!!! And the same difficulty still there only ten times bigger!

So I surrendered!!! It is what it is!!! I’m not a failure!!! I will not stop fighting! I’ll stay calm like the lady I am! I will feel every second of it. I will get up and I’ll will show up! God is standing behind me, next to me, under me, on top of me, inside of me!!!! If He is with me, who can be against me!! Woman of God!

Then thank you for the most Wonderful woman I have the honor of knowing! (You know who you are) For backing me every single step of the way!! Cheering me on! Supporting me! Laughing with me, crying with me!!! And yes just sitting in silence sometimes…just being there for one another! You are an Angel!!! And I Pray that your path will be filled with Blessings for the rest of your Life! I Love you!

My Family! For the first time in a very long time, I can say we are family!!! Love you all!!!

The man in my life!!! I dont even have to say alot! Because us you can’t define! No word can ever describe what we have. Thank you so very much for being you!

So I’m 5 days short of coming up on my 90 days Sober!!! 3 Months of absolute growth, learning, change!!! The best gift I ever could’ve given myself!!! And yes I can finally say!! I love this woman. I care for her! She is amazing! Self love, cause without this you can’t love anyone else!!! And if you are not okay, your loved ones wont be okay!!!

So only for today, get up! Show up!!

Tommorow is a new day, with new possibilities! But that is tomorrow!!!

So Today!! Be the best you that you can be!!! Its not always easy! But your a Woman! The most amazing creature God ever created.

Heroes!

Today is a very big day for me…60 days clean!!!

Today’s Blog I dedicate to all the special men in my life!!

First of all, me and my dad never really had a relationship, due to alot of factors…Recently he had a very big life change, and soon after my big life change happened. I want to give a special shout out to this man, who is still fighting his own battle, for supporting me every step of the way, every phone call every SMS, every word of motivation, every “I Love you!” Thank you Dad!!! For the first time in my life, I feel really really loved and supported by the right man. My Farther! I salute you and I love you. I thank our Father in Heaven everyday for restoring this relationship! For every girl needs to always be made feel that she is a Princess and that her Dad thinks the world of her! Then no other man will ever make her feel any less than that!

I want to thank God for my three beautiful little boys!! Without them I never would’ve made the decision to turn my life around 380 degrees! You three are my absolute saving grace! You are my life! You are my reason for living! You are the most important, the biggest responsibility, and the greatest gifts I ever recieved!!! If I did not do this for myself, i definitely did it for you three little princes! If nothing else, I just want for your three to one day be able to say “We loved her, and she did her best for us, she always put us first.” I will do everything in my power to protect you, love you and bring you up as gentlemen who will always treat any women with respect! I love you three with my whole whole heart!!!

And then for my “Special Person!” I firmly believe that this man was sent on my path for reasons that are still unknown to me!!! This man is fighting his own demons, things that he forgot, I’m only learning now!! Our paths crossed in a very deep dark place. I know it’s not recommended to form bonds, in this deep dark place in your life, and that you have to focus on your own healing, your own recovery and your own sobriety! While doing this, working on ourselves and trying to better ourselves, something between us happened that we were totally oblivious to! It was only after leaving, let’s call it the “place that changed everything for me” that we started really speaking! I found myself relating with this person, feeling his emotions, sharing mine, the good, the bad, and the absolute worse! We learned things about each other, and understood things about each other that people in our lives didn’t get for years!!! In a matter of weeks! I felt for the first time that I am worthy, that I am not my bad choices, that there is really terrible things that happens around us that is totally unknown to us, and much worse than our own “problems!” This man changed my views and perceptions on life in a way I that I could never have imagined! There is no label that you can put on this relationship! It’s not friends! It’s not romantic! It’s not all smiles and laughs! It’s real honest, raw, emotion!!! Laughter! Pain! Tears! Love! I dont know..we still dont know. All I want to say is thank you! Thank you for understanding without me having to explain. Thank you for making me feel better with actions and not with words. Thank you for your unconditional support! Thank you for being my safe place. Thank you for a love that I have never known. Thank you for the music! Thank you for the jokes….Thank you that I can only be me, myself and I with you!!! Without any subtance!!! Thank you. I love you!

Society has this thing, where if you going through a difficult time, you always have to blame it on someone else!! That’s bullshit! We also hurt people! Woman tend to blame the man, I know! I was one of them. But I had to step out of my denial, take responsibility for my actions and fix what I have broken as well. Not all men are bad…not all our faults and flaws stems from a man…These men in my life, is the reason I wake up everyday, want to make a difference and love with my whole heart unconditionally! To be the change!!!

My Heroes!!!

Lifes Little Surprises!

So today I’ve been sober for 1 month 23 days!

And life could not be better! I cant help to notice all the small miracles happening in my life! The signs, the endless opportunities!!! Everyday whispering in my ear! Today is your day…the change is in your hands. And the conscious decision I have to make every single day to not have that glass of wine…the cravings aren’t there, and I’m thankful!

The small stuff , that’s what matter the most! My baby’s hands in my hair, my little boys picking me flowers telling me how beautiful I am! A special person treating me like no one ever has…The Lord protecting me every second of the day. A small surprise holiday to Bangkok! Wow life is truly amazing and when all the drama and substance abuse finds it’s way cyphering out of your life! The view is spectacular!

Thank you for small mercies. Big opportunities and embracing every single gift life gives me.

Blessed with new beginnings.

The way forward!

No one said that this will be easy! No one said this will be fun. No one told you that this journey called life would be this hard!

But just as you are about to throw in the towel, God throws it back to you, and says, “here wipe your face, you are almost there!”

And this has been my truth for the last 2 months!

I was about to just give up completely! My whole life was a mess! Divorce, moving, pregnancy and birth. Tough relationships. Thought I was strong, I could handle all of it! How wrong was I!!

The blackouts, the anxiety, the guilt, the shame!!!

Until one morning! I broke down completely. Here it was! Finally! Is this what I became? Is this now it! ROCK BOTTOM!!!

I had to reach this place, in order to become the woman I always wanted to be! To have compassion for others in this situation. For me to love me again. For me to be the best version of me, and to fulfill the plans that the Lord has for me! For me to be the best mom I can be! So in order for me to become this, I first had to reach that God forsaken place…My rock bottom!! The loneliest, darkest place you will ever have to face!

Today! One month and 2 weeks later! I can smile again, no excuse me!! Laugh until I cry! The sun is shining again, I have the overcast once now and again, but now I can face them with a bold bravery I never had! I am not alone! You are never alone!!!

I still have a long journey ahead of me, but for once I am genuinely so excited for what is to come, I can’t contain myself!

There is always light at the end…just before you give up, around the bend, your reward is awaiting you!

Where you only see one path of footsteps, that is when the Lord carried you! Be brave! Be strong! Be you!